this regret machine

To be honest Lord, brother, you know how to make this month a long, drawn out performance. This is pure, unfiltered abuse of the open mic. The woman’s singing her song and the audience is only captive because everybody knows the next guy, but right now, it’s the woman starting her tight five again. Keep it unrelenting, and know the rhythm of the verse, and I’ll be taken by the spoken word. I’m telling the jokes, and I’m watching the film play back to me. The noise comes back, each time around, stuttering at its inception, then playing through again. I hear the embarrassment, and rewatch the shame. I try to breathe it out, but my lungs don’t work as they used to. I become the plaything of temptation’s guiding hands, like the last rat to fall for the trick, only wishing to gorge. By now, you have to know that the cardboard box is going to fall, and you’re going to get caught in the darkness. You sought to live true to yourself, and you got yourself killed by the weight of a shadow. It’s ...

                             This is all I will be remembered for in the words of two men, one called Wallis, and the other called Linehan. You know one of them. The other you might not know. There may be more than just these men, but I want to focus on just these two for the time being, because their understandings of me are sonically and lyrically resonant. Both men know me, though we have never spoke. They know where I live. They know all the names I have ever been called. There's a type of quantum suicide on display here, at friction with an immortal personhood. These two men know how I feel, all that I hold close. Their knowledge comes from an open wound, one that is open to be inspected. Their salt is salt that fits. I do not think these men know just how much they know about me, but in an act of preservation for myself and those near to me, I have to remain scared.   The condition of my ...

  to be honest dear God, oh Lord in heaven, i’m asking You to be honest dear God, oh Lord in heaven, i’m asking You to be honest dear God, oh Lord in heaven, i’m asking You     do you remember the trees or even the river! ❌👎 🐕‍🦺🐕‍🦺🐕⛓️🐶💥 🤯 🙏🙏                                              🆗🐑🐑                                                                                                                   💝😻✝️                💝😻✝️    ...