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to be honest / apr 26

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Towards the end of the month, I have a theologic experience with the trees. It’s a sort of faux spiritualism that I used to engage in much more as a teenager. There was a weekend spent purifying stones in sunwater, in a windowsill, at the top floor of the house, for a boy I’d stop speaking to pretty soon later, who lived near where my dad worked. I don’t know what made me so sure that any of it would work, that if the sun could reach the egg-cup of water or that I was convinced I could become something more or that the boy’d like me by any means at all. I’d ask the rocks, have you changed? and I’d ask the water, are you more? and I’d ask the dog, do you want a walk? So, of course, at twenty five, I ask the trees, what do you want from me? And of course, they tell me nothing.      I spend the month of April closing myself off from my writing, and fail to assume any of the heights that I’m after. I make a professional blunder, soon edited, and learn to shut my anxiety behi...
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to be honest / mar 26

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  TO BE HONEST, I’ve forgotten the mantra. I don’t think I needed it, I have had a few ideas through the month of March. Wait, not like, oh i’ve only had a few ideas, but I’ve Had A Few Ideas. I’m excited to write this post, and hopefully explain what I mean about them. I’ve spent the month looking forward to this distilling, sort of wrangling back into an order that I’d be sure would be free flowing, seamless and senseful. It’s the penultimate last day of March and I’m worried about the future. No, wait, don’t let that set the candor of my own voice, I think this month has been both-hands-gesturing-at-you-trying-to-convince-but-sorta-scarying-you-off-by-the-over-the-top-emphatics-at-play stronger than most in recent memory. At least, for the purposes of this blog, its honesty, or the want for sincerity I’m trying to press here. The three ideas are as follows. The Racecar Exorcist .  There are 40 days and 40 nights in March. Are you a worm, or are you a pig? The first is the ...
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Four Hearted Blood Supply

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to be honest / feb 26

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TO BE HONEST with you, i’m thinking about getting my head kicked in by a man with white jordans and a septum piercing when my bike takes a moment to itself. It chooses to leave me clattering, a real weird woman and with her real weird hunk of metal meeting an invisible resistance, and letting contact between the pavement and the body come to. Here is the firmament, just be cool, and don’t over think it. Anyway, it’s strange, then it’s sore, then you’re off dusting your hand and, then, oh, yeah, no, all good, thank you for asking, sorry you had to see that, i’ll be okay though. Ha ha ha ha. Then it’s riding with a preciousness, as well as an immutable anxiety all the way home. Stopping underneath a bridge, I find somebody’s aunt with a Sainsbury’s shopping bag stood so still. She is not motionless - i must say it until i am breathless, there is life here - she is looking the way I came. I drink the questionable remains of the contents of my waterbottle. I take off my sweater, i try to ...
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Laws of Writing Character

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it's not supposed to look good, duh.  A brief 'lecture' (fuck off) on writing character for a course I'm on. Character exists at the heart of our association with each other. We know who is supposed to be a character, for what they have done, the abstraction and reduction into ‘h, he’s a character, in’t he?’ It is through others, we become ourselves, says Lev Vygotsky: and the social psychologist argues too, we become ourselves through play. Character and play are commonalities, rich in bed with each other, as we adopt roles and archetypes to, firstly have fun, and then, to become. Writing character, making character, becoming character can be the same. The precedent for creative writing guidance on YouTube is readily available,. The lesson I want to impart here is that character comes from energy, a fixed location, and must be progressing onwards and towards another horizon.  The traits and characteristics are already there for you watch and read about. This lecture is...
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